


Speak now, Magnus Bane

by AlxSteele



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec's Wedding, Angst, Based on episode 1x12 promos, Confused!Alec, Depressed!Magnus, Episode 1x11 Complaint, Episode 1x12, Hurt, M/M, Magnus deciding to crash the wedding basically but with good intentions, Malec, No hate for Lydia, Perpetually Confused!Jace, Protective!Izzy, light cursing, magnus being fabulous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 21:15:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6394147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlxSteele/pseuds/AlxSteele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus Bane is not going to crash Alec Lightwood's wedding… Or maybe he will…just a little. But first he has to get ready.</p>
<p>OR:</p>
<p>Magnus decides to accept Isabelle’s invitation to Alec's wedding after sulking for awhile and then spends forever getting ready.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speak now, Magnus Bane

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, since the wedding sneak peak and everything, I’ve been obsessed with how Magnus looks in that scene, whether it’s real or not. Just...I needed a scene of Magnus getting ready. He marches in so…determined and perfect and yes. Also for some reason I wanted to write Magnus painting his nails? So I literally kept circling back to Magnus and Magnus getting ready and then I just had to write it. So here it is. This came out more angsty than I was planning but I mean, of course, Magnus would be feeling a little angst-ridden right now, right???
> 
> This is canon compliant as of the moment but we'll have to see the episode to know for sure, won't we?

Magnus Bane stalked around his loft. He hadn’t left it since…two days before? The place was dark, silent, and a mess. Magnus himself was the same. His hair was flopping in his face, he still had on yesterday’s makeup and clothes, and he wasn’t even wearing shoes. It was the middle of the day, the sun was probably shining brightly outside, but Magnus didn’t really know as all his curtains were drawn, keeping even the smallest shred of the outside world from slipping in.

Magnus didn’t have to think to walk in his graceful, catlike manner. It just happened. However, when he hadn’t slept in days, continually drank (though he was a centuries old warlock, alcohol didn’t really affect him much), and was so…depressed, he did sulk around. Shoulders slumped, fingers trailing along whatever he happened to be passing, the wall, the back of the couch, the cats. His feet dragged and he felt the very opposite of the High Warlock at that moment.

After spending an indeterminate amount of time leaning gloomily against the wall next to one of his giant windows, staring at the black curtain like he could actually see everything behind it (which he could’ve if he wanted to), Magnus finally had enough with his own sullen self. Sure, no one pulled off hopeless pining better than him, but this was getting a little ridiculous. He’d tried ignoring things — Alec and thoughts of Alec — he’d tried being angry and snippy. He’d given Alec more than one final chance. Now, it was time to move on.

Crossing to his mini-bar, Magnus poured himself another drink. Turning and perching on the edge of the cart, he snapped his fingers. Small fireworks burst before his eyes but they did nothing to cheer him up. What Magnus needed was a good downworlder party — preferably to throw one and then get sucked in by the drama and beautiful people — but of course, with Valentine out and about, downworlders being drained of blood and every other problem the shadowhunters were creating for them, there wasn’t likely to be any parties happening anytime soon.

Magnus snapped his fingers again and glitter fell from the ceiling. If glitter couldn’t cheer him up, he was in deep trouble indeed.

“Okay, you’re in deep trouble.” Magnus was standing in front of his floor length mirror, ignoring his wrinkled clothes and smudged eyes, he glared at his reflection. “Yup. There’s no denying it. But, you, you are Magnus fucking Bane. You are the High Warlock of Brooklyn. You are hot and beautiful. Amazing really, and it’s his loss, and you will not lay around all day while Alexander is out there marrying some woman.” Magnus sneered before nodding to himself.

***

Magnus Bane was laying across his couch, arms folded behind his head, legs crossed, staring at the ceiling. He definitely wasn’t pining or depressed. He was just…trying to figure out what he wanted for dinner.

It just so happened that, as he was thinking about what to eat for dinner, he started thinking about what he had for dinner the day before (nothing, because he didn’t feel like eating) and of course, that _would_ lead to thinking about Alexander because he was the reason Magnus hadn’t felt like eating.

Magnus had known better than to text Isabelle and tell her to send Alec over. Known better than to get his hopes up. He’d been setting himself up to fall the whole time, since the moment he first laid eyes on Alec. When Alec’s arrow had shot past him and he’d just casually walked by, Magnus’s gaze had followed him, not expecting to see anything so…shocking. Shocking as the shadowhunter with the blue eyes and dark hair. One look and Magnus’ heart skipped just for a second and he almost didn’t want to leave. Then Clary had interrupted his thoughts and he’d slipped through the portal.

Magnus had been thinking of that moment when the knock came on his door and he’d known it would be Alec, even though he’d told himself if was safe to text Isabelle because Alec would never show up anyway. Magnus shouldn’t have asked him to come over, but when it came to Alec Lightwood, Magnus seemed to be doing a lot of things he shouldn’t.

Somehow he’d ended up giving yet another speech. When Alec stuttered, admitting how confused Magnus was making him, Magnus simply couldn’t help himself.

“Confusion is part of it! That’s how you find out if something’s there.”

Circling the younger man after he tried to explain yet again why he had to do what he was doing — why did he feel the need to explain so much if not because he didn’t believe himself? Why did he keep coming to Magnus if he didn’t want someone to stop him? Magnus knew then, more than ever before, without a single doubt that had been plaguing him, that Alec felt what Magnus had felt since he’d turned around after killing that circle member to find Alec Lightwood for the second time in one night. Since the moment Alec had smiled at him, tripping over his words as he introduced himself.

So Magnus had found himself voicing those thoughts: _What about…love? Your heart beats faster when they walk by. Your skin tingles when they enter a room… I know you feel what I feel._

Alec had been annoyed, Magnus could sense it when he sent magic into the shadowhunter, forcing him to touch his heart. But there was something else there too, in the extra second it took him to turn around, like he was trying to hide something, some emotion, before facing Magnus again.

Magnus was quite proud of himself actually. Of course, he had the looks down, but he was also a master of words. However, it hadn’t ended how he’d have liked it to, what with Alec running out as fast as he could…

Magnus sighed, rolling his eyes and banging his head back against the arm of the couch. With a snap of his fingers, music filled the room. Magnus hadn’t thought of anything in particular so of course a sad sappy love song came on. Magnus told himself he’d listen to the chorus once and then be done, but three songs later he was belting out all the words to the world’s best break up songs, only the sad ones, though. Magnus wasn’t in the mood for “I’m better off without you anyway” or “I don’t need a man” songs.

See, Magnus, this is why we’ve stayed away from everything for so long. This is why we distance ourself, Magnus thought to himself. This feeling of his heart breaking before he’d even had a chance to give it away. This feeling of wondering, of his whole body aching, wanting to know what could’ve happened if things had been different. This was why he didn’t get close to mundanes and shadowhunters, why he didn’t get close to anyone. It was much better when Magnus maintained his distance. He thought that he’d learned that lesson long ago, but apparently he was wrong.

Magnus had had his heart broken enough times to recognize the feeling and he promised himself that once that last lingering bit of hope was crushed, once Alec was officially married to Lydia, he’d close himself off again. Permanently this time.

From now on, if he saw a beautiful boy (or girl) he’d turn and walk away. If Magnus was being honest and without his normal flair for drama, he knew there’d never been anyone quite like Alexander Lightwood. He’d felt love before but this…this was something different. He’d been around for centuries and still didn’t know what it was. Only that as many times as he’d been in love, seen love, he’d never felt this way.

When Magnus surfaced from his downhill slide of sad songs and overflowing feelings, he was slightly disgusted with himself. He needed to stop caring now, not after it was all official. It was over. It was time to move on. It was practically nothing to begin with. A few lingering glances. A few shared smiles. Innocent flirting that left the shadowhunter speechless. And a night of talking over cocktails. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Magnus tried to convince himself, but when it came to Alec…the smallest glance seemed to mean everything.

Magnus stood, in one movement grabbing his glass and hurling it at the wall before regaining his composure. The glass shattered and shined as it rained down on the floor. It was nothing. It didn’t mean anything to Alec and soon enough it would be nothing but a memory to Magnus. It was never anything. Now it was simply…less than nothing.

Glaring at his reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall over the mantel, Magnus shook his head. “Get yourself together, Bane.”

After pacing around again to calm himself, Magnus turned the music up even louder, pulling out a bottle of black nail polish and sitting back down. The easy, familiar activity usually managed to calm the warlock. Not that he usually needed to calm himself. Magnus dealt in clubs and parties for a reason, he didn’t get emotionally involved…in anything. Without emotions all that was left was calm, cool, nothing. Magnus missed that desperately right then. He should know how to control his feelings by now, damn that beautiful shadowhunter for making him feel like this.

Magnus’s mind wandered and he let it, too exhausted to try and fight his feelings any longer.

Magnus remembered Alec running in just before he collapsed from trying to heal Luke. The shadowhunter offering Magnus all his strength, whatever he needed, without a thought.

Alec looking so crushed and helpless when the memory demon took the memory of the one he loved most and it was the blond shadowhunter. That was the moment Magnus realized Alec wasn’t about to become some crush, some infatuation, that he was already something so much more.

Alec rushing out the loft the morning after they spent all night talking.

Alec avoiding him after the forsaken attack and then looking so…determined, but also lonely, when he told Magnus he was marrying Lydia.

Magnus blinked. Stop doing that, he told himself firmly.

The worst part was, Magnus was at the point in his…infatuation, where he just wanted Alec to be happy. If Alec were happy with Lydia, Magnus would step back without hesitating. Magnus could learn to be okay with it then, if Alec were happy, could maybe even stand to be around him. But to know that Alec was just doing it for the clave? For his family’s tarnished name?

Magnus burned just thinking about it, his carefully controlled magic sparking at his fingertips. Thinking of Alec spending his life miserable all for a bunch of people who didn’t care about him… It made Magnus want to tear the clave apart with his bare hands, brick by brick.

Magnus’s phone buzzed from the table and he set the nail polish down to pick it up. Isabelle’s smirking face stared at him from the screen. Magnus ignored her call, knowing it would be the scene from that morning all over again.

Magnus had given up the day before, when Alec had rushed out of his apartment. He’d tried again and again; he knew when to stop pushing. Had already pushed too far. Isabelle didn’t seem to get the hint yet, however. Acting like they were conspiring together over this.

“I have got to stop answering the door when you shadowhunter’s come knocking,” he’d said at five that morning as the younger, shorter, better dressed Lightwood stared up at him.

Magnus was oddly fond of the girl. For starters, her fashion sense could one day rival his own. And, whereas the blond shadowhunter couldn’t seem to stop thinking about himself long enough to notice the tree he was about to walk into, the younger Lightwood clearly cared about Alec.

He’d stepped back and let her in, handing her a cup of coffee before she could say anything. The girl clearly had been sleeping as well as the warlock, dark circles not quite hidden under her eyes. “What happened yesterday? Alec spent all night in the training room and he won’t talk to me.” She’d seemed hurt and angry, glaring at Magnus.

Magnus had shrugged, turning away from her. “I played my last hand. Gave him one last chance. He ran away and I folded. The end.”

Isabelle had stared down at the floor, chewing her lip thoughtfully. When she looked up, Magnus had groaned, already recognizing the look of a Lightwood about to ask for something. “Please, Magnus. I can’t let my brother make this mistake. I’ll never forgive myself. Just, come to the wedding. Please?’

When would the Lightwood siblings stop trying to save each other?

Alec was getting married to save his family. Alec gave up his bow and quiver to save Izzy, and probably would’ve given up even more had that not worked. Now, Izzy was trying her hardest to find something to stop Alec, save him from himself, but she couldn’t just sell her weapons to the highest bidder and change Alec’s mind.

Magnus sighed again, remembering the look on Alec’s face when Isabelle was set free. Relief, mostly. But also so much happiness. It’d taken Magnus’s breath away, he hadn’t known Alec could be so happy, could show so much emotion as it broke through all his walls. More than that though, Alec had seemed so proud. Like finally, _finally_ he had done something right, and Magnus had just wanted to pull him aside and tell him he’d never done anything wrong. That it wasn’t wrong to want to be happy. It was wrong to sacrifice that happiness for duty, for family when that family (with a few exceptions) didn’t want him to do that either.

Magnus had tried, not for Isabelle or the damned clave or anyone else. Magnus had tried because whatever it was Alec was unlocking in him…he wanted that. He’d tried because he’d seen something in the shadowhunter, something that needed to be protected, the thing that lead Alec to throwing himself under the bus for everyone else. He’d sensed how locked up Alec was, in his own mind, and Magnus just wanted to help him let that out.

He’d tried being coy. He’d tried stepping back. He’d tried reasoning. What else was left? If Alec couldn’t bring himself to admit his own feelings even to himself, if Alec couldn’t bring himself to think he deserved happiness, to try to go after it… There was nothing Magnus could do. And he wouldn’t keep pushing, wouldn’t keep throwing his heart out just to have the shadowhunter pretend it wasn’t there.

So no. Magnus was not going to the wedding. He wouldn’t do that to Alexander, and he wouldn’t do it to himself… What would he even do there? What would he wear?

Magnus’ thoughts ran off without him again and he was picturing Alec, standing at the altar, wearing something besides black – what color did the shadowhunter’s wear to weddings? Oh, yes. Gold. Magnus couldn’t shake the image from his mind, picturing the hopelessly confessed but determined look on the shadowhunter’s face as Lydia walked down the aisle. Magnus wanted to hate Lydia, but he knew she’d look beautiful.

What would Alexander be thinking? Would he still be determined or panicking but seeing no way out of it? What if he saw Magnus and changed his mind? What if he just needed to wait until the last minute, just to be sure?

Magnus was standing up before the thoughts formed. Really, why shouldn’t he go to the wedding? He was invited. He kept saving those pesky shadowhunters…and he loved a good party. He wouldn’t do anything, wouldn’t say anything. Would just walk in, and Alec would feel it, because his skin would start tingling and his eyes would unconsciously move to meet Magnus’s. Magnus would simply sit down and wait.

Magnus’s heart was beating faster, like this was the first time he’d ever felt anything for anyone, it was all so new. Why shouldn’t he give it one last chance? Lay everything at Alexander’s feet and let him choose. He should at least have both options available to him in the same place…

Magnus tried to talk himself out of it, but there was no looking back. If nothing else, he’d look fabulous and show Alec just what he was missing. He won’t talk, he won’t do anything, he repeated. He’ll just sit there and look fucking fantastic.

This would be the last time. If Alec went through with it, if it was still a no, then Magnus would leave him alone. No bitterness, no guilt, no petty little comments. He’ll close it all off and be the unfeeling Magnus once more.

Magnus sat back down to finish his nails, ignoring the pang in his heart that said he didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to be rejected again, and didn’t want to go back to never feeling anything. It’d been the only thing he’d been scared of for the longest time. Warlocks…living so long, eventually things like emotions stopped mattering. Magnus had never wanted that to happen, hadn’t even noticed it until Alec opened his eyes again.

With a deep breath, Magnus decided he’d go, but only if he still thought it was a good idea when he was done with his nails. Magnus picked the bottle of black polish up again, refusing to think as he continued to paint his nails. His hands were shaking slightly though and, before he’d gotten halfway through with one hand, he slipped, messing up.

“Screw this,” Magnus said, standing. He snapped his fingers and they were instantly painted perfectly.

Heading towards his giant closet, Magnus debated what to wear. He didn’t want to stand out too much. Nothing too bright and sparkly, though it killed his glitter filled soul a little to think it. His eyes raked over the shelves of clothes quickly, as he tapped his chin with his fingertips.

He had to look fabulous — when didn’t he? — enviable…beautiful…amazing. He had to look like something Alec wanted… A smile lit the corners of his mouth, slowly lifting it into a grin.

“Perfect,” he whispered, running his fingers over an outfit he’d never worn before.

After dressing, he debated his hair. He was really getting into the whole dark outfit thing, dressed perfectly in all black, a normal shadowhunter color; an _Alec_ color, when Alexander — for probably the first time ever — would be in something different. He’d added just a touch of glitter and done a perfect smoky eye, but it was the hair he was stuck on. He knew if he didn’t hurry he’d be late and, while Magnus always loved making an entrance, he wasn’t going for the fashionably late look right then.

He snapped his fingers a few times, trying out different styles but nothing looked quite right. Magnus knew part of it was that he wasn’t ready to face Alec again, part of him felt like he already knew how this would end and he wanted to draw it out for as long as possible. At least he knew he could count on Isabelle to bring him ice cream the next day and do some wallowing together — by which Magnus obviously meant _shopping_.

With a final sigh, Magnus decided to go for the dramatic. A wave of his hand and his hair changed color. First all blond — horrible look with his skin tone. Then he went for a single white streak — ugh, too old man warlock. Blue streak — too…blue. Before he finally settled on a dark red, his hair swooping up in the front and highlighting his darkened eyes even more.

With another wave of his hands the portal opened right in front of him.

_Here we go._

***

Magnus Bane was dressed to shred. Knowing that anyone who looked at him would do a double take. He was feeling confident and determined as he stalked through the institute. They really shouldn’t have let him fix their wards, now he could get in whenever he liked.

Magnus’s walk was still graceful, but more of a strut now, head held high. He would make Alec Lightwood regret his every decision without a word. Then he would sit there and wait. Let the shadowhunter make up his own mind for one of the first times in the young man’s life.

Turning the corner, any shadowhunter he passed simply paused to watch him, making no move to stop him. Magnus knew he looked amazing but also shocking, all in black, with the red hair, he was getting just the reaction he’d been hoping for.

He finally came to the wedding hall and didn’t give himself a chance to back out or change his mind. Didn’t stop in his determined walk. But he did breathe in a little deeper than usual. He turned the corner, took three long strides and stopped.

Oops. Magnus thought, so much for not making the dramatic, fashionably late entrance.

Magnus stopped thinking after that though. Because there was Alec. Standing at the front of the room, facing Lydia. There was Lydia, ready to mark him. There was Isabelle, noticing Magnus and unable to hold back a hopeful smile. Magnus barely noticed them, not even seeing the blond shadowhunter with the confused expression. Barely a second had passed as Alec stiffened, sensing Magnus, and turned slowly.

Part of Magnus wanted to laugh because the poor shadowhunter looked so confused, so dazed, like he had no idea what was going on or how he’d gotten to this moment. But he saw Alec’s lips form his name, saw how his breath stuttered. Magnus’s careful eyes didn’t miss anything.

Everything was frozen then, Magnus was almost embarrassed at how hard it was for him to breathe with Alexander looking at him like that. With the whole world paused, waiting.

Then Maryse Lightwood was marching up to him, demanding he leave, and Magnus was saying words he couldn’t remember once they’d left his mouth and Alec was still staring at him and Magnus couldn’t look away. Waiting. Hoping.

He waved Maryse off and, never breaking eye contact with Alec, moved to the front of the room. Clary and her little mundane vampire friend scooted over and Magnus sat. Hands folded in his lap.

The room had fallen dead silent and then whispers broke out, all eyes were on Magnus and slowly moving back to Alec and Lydia. Lydia was looking at Alec with concern, but Alec was too busy, eyes locked with Magnus’s, to notice his soon to be wife. Jace and Isabelle were sharing looks, Izzy fingers crossed at her sides as she whispered to herself. Clary and Simon’s heads were moving animatedly, between Alec and Magnus.

All this was happening in the peripheral for Magnus. For Magnus, the world was quiet, the world was the blue-eyed boy standing in the pale gold suit, looking a little too much like he was playing dress-up.

Magnus breathed slowly, breath hitching on every other inhale. Magnus’s skin was tingling and all he could do was hope. Hope that Alec wouldn’t look away. Hope that Alec was having just as hard a time breathing. Hope Alec’s heart was racing and skin was tingling. Hope Alec would change his mind. Hope Alec would follow his heart, and stop listening to his stubborn head because Alec’s heart felt the same thing Magnus’s did. He knew it. More and more with every passing second.

Magnus’s heart beat out a rhythm of hope; hope; hope.

Alec’s mouth opened slowly, Magnus’s ears buzzed as he waited, eyes locked on the shadowhunter but not saying anything, just sitting there. Still hoping.

“I…”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m SORRY. But I didn’t know how to write anything further than this and I didn’t want to 'cause I’m now officially simply dying to see the actual episode. I’m on [Tumblr](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) now, come talk to me you beautiful people er…busicuits. Give me any prompts! And discuss all the promos with me, please?


End file.
